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سبحان الله والحمد لله ولا إله إلا الله والله أكبر ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله العلي العظيم , വായനയുടെ ലോകത്തേക്ക് സ്വാഗതം, അറിവിന്റെ ജാലകം നിങ്ങളെ കാത്തിരിക്കുന്നു..., "try to become a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life"

Feb 4, 2012

'Pornographic obsession and Husband'

'Pornographic obsession and Husband' 

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalamu alikum. 

I have been suffering from this problem for sometime now and want to know if there is a solution to my problem.

My husband is a nice person by heart but he loves to watch porn and has lately started chatting with unknown women on the net. He also goes to night clubs but not very often. Maybe once or twice a month but comes home very late like 4 in the morning. I have tried to stop him from doing this every time but its never worked.


We end up fighting and then make up again but he says that every man does this at his age so there is nothing wrong in it. It is natural. The last time we had a very serious fight and he left me and the children and went over to his friends house and stayed there overnight and did not bother to call or tell me about his depature or arrival. When I checked his computer, I saw the same porn stuff - basically nude women - there were around 1200 pics which I trashed. We were not talking to each other and slept in different rooms for a week. Then I myself went and made up with him but again yesterday I saw some more porn which he recorded at his friend`s place when he was there last time. Today that friend has come to meet him and intends to stay with us for the night. I feel very restless and insecure about all this and want to know if there is any dua I can read to calm myself and not get angry with him and start a fight. Please reply asap as I am unable to handle this pressure any more. Pls tell me what to do.

Salaams

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:                                                                                                                            

Husband watch porn
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah  guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: I feel very restless and insecure about all this and want to know if there is any dua I can read to calm myself and not get angry with him and start a fight. Please reply asap as I am unable to handle this pressure any more. Pls tell me what to do.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, if the simple reciting of a dua by itself could make one fear Allah, or make one abstain from doing the unlawful, or make one a better believer…. then the Messenger of Allah (saws) would have simply recited the dua on the disbelievers and transgressors!

The truth beloved sister is it is not the recitation of a few phrases which by themselves can make a loved one a better or God-fearing muslim, but it is sincere efforts and invitations presented with extreme wisdom and patience which would bring their loved one to fear Allah and abstain from doing what the Lord has declared as unlawful and forbidden.

Thus my beloved sister, the one and only way you can stop your husband from indulging in what has clearly been declared as unlawful and forbidden by Allah is to invite him politely to fear Allah and His Day of Accounting….and the absolute best way to invite or warn someone of the Last Day is to somehow get them to read the Glorious Quran with understanding.

If only you could get your husband to understand and comprehend the extent of the Wrath and Anger of the Lord Most High on those who violate His clear boundaries and indulge in the haraam….he would stay far far away from it.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:

Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4886 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

That he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: ‘The eye commits ‘zina’, and the palm of the hand, the foot, the body, the tongue and private part of the body confirm it or deny it.’

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260 Narrated by Ibn Abbas

I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira narrated from the Prophet (saws) who said "Allah has written for the children of Adam their share of adultery which he commits inevitably. The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it."

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 36 Surah Ya-Seen verse 65:
65 That Day shall We set a seal on their mouths. But their hands will speak to Us and their feet bear witness to all that they did. 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Ha-Meem verses 19-23:
19 On the Day that the enemies of Allah will be gathered together to 
the Fire they will be marched in ranks.

20 At length when they reach the (Fire) their hearing, their sight, 
and their skins will bear witness against them as to (all) their 

deeds.

21 They will say to their skins: "Why bear ye witness against us?" 
They (their skins) will say: "Allah hath given us speech, (He) Who 

giveth speech to everything: He created you for the first time and 
unto Him were ye to return.
22 "Ye did not seek to hide yourselves lest your hearing, your sight, 
and your skins should bear witness against you! But ye did think that 

Allah knew not many of the things that ye used to do! 
23 "But this thought of yours which ye did entertain concerning your 
Lord hath brought you to destruction, and (now) have ye become of 

those utterly lost!"

Not only is the evil act of ‘zina’ prescribed as absolutely forbidden in Islam, every path or every way that leads one to this evil path is also declared as forbidden! Such is the gravity of this abomination of ‘zina’, that Allah Subhanah commands the believers in the Quran: 
‘Do not even go near ‘zina’!!!

Thus if one intentionally sees and watches ‘fahisha’ (indecency), it would constitute ‘zina’ of the eyes; if one derives pleasure from talks of ‘fahisha’, it would constitute ‘zina’ of the ears and mouth, if one touches or goes towards something or someone with the intention of ‘fahisha’, it would constitute ‘zina’ of the hands and the legs! Although there is no prescribed punishment for the ‘zina’ of the eyes, mouth, ears, hands and feet in the life of this world, if one dies without seeking ‘taubah’ and repentance from their Lord, he will be held severely accountable for these acts of ‘minor’ zina in the Presence of their Majestic Lord in the Hereafter.

Apart from your sincere efforts to save your husband from the Unbearable Wrath, Anger and Punishments of the Lord Most High, it would be prudent that you remained constant in your supplications to your Lord to have Mercy on your husband, to soften his heart to the Truth, and to develop ‘taqwa’, piety, and the fear of Allah and the Last Day into his heart.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan

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